I Will Never Get Married Again
I was married once. When I mention this, people often ask how long it lasted, and 11 years seems to satisfy them that, yes, I did give it the good higher try and do understand what this spousal relationship business is all about. I was divorced at the age of 30, and now that I'm in my 40s, I have become increasingly sure I'll never marry again.
Information technology'southward non because I haven't had the option. I've had two (or three, depending on how you lot count) long-term relationships since and then. But in each case, I came to realize that marriage simply didn't seem to make sense for many reasons.
one. I don't want children (or more children)
I accept an amazing, beautiful daughter who is an adult, and I have no desire to have more than. Tying the knot for the purpose of having children is a not-issue for me.
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2. The institution of marriage seems outdated to me
Once upon a time, information technology brought people together in cohesive units that spurred economic progress and ensured stability for children. But how does it make sense when ii adults are independent earners, there is little-to-no stigma in living together sans a legal document and no children are at play?
3. I don't desire to intendance about your decisions
I don't want to have to care deeply about someone else'south decisions when I put so much endeavour into my own, and I don't want to accept to change the way I shop for food or the way I've set up my Idiot box to accommodate someone else's preferences. I have a beautiful rhythm to life that I've come to appreciate as all my own, fifty-fifty if life is cluttered now and then. This isn't to say that two people can't figure out good systems; they tin can. It just takes a lot of coordination and fourth dimension, and I have too fiddling free energy for that equally it is.
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4. I highly value my independence
The financial reality of splitting expenses and combining money holds little appeal for me. I love my work, and I practise a ton of work beyond my formal job writing, speaking and edifice my skills. If my partner doesn't work as hard, I don't want to resent him. And of course, in the worst-case scenario, if we split, I would accept a huge financial hit (unless I bound through countless legal hoops to prevent this). Even on a day-to-day ground, I want to spend my coin on the things I value, and I don't desire to intendance about my partner's spending habits.
5. I'chiliad a realist
People change. The notion of permanence is romantic—that y'all feel and then deeply and passionately about a person that you recollect marrying is the best fashion of expressing this. Withal, my life feel has confirmed a dissimilar narrative that is probably much closer to the truth: I have fallen in honey with the perfect person for me in the perfect moment several times over. The two of u.s.a. offered something important and unique that we both needed and found in 1 another, just we modify, nosotros evolve and we larn more nigh who we are. It's almost silly to think that we can be everything to each other forever.
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6. I'm happy (happiest?) when I'm single
I love companionship, but I've also come up to realize how happy I am when I'm single. Many people marry because they're scared of the prospect of beingness alone. But I've accumulated evidence of my levels of happiness with and without a partner. Turns out, I'm pretty darn happy with both, just when a relationship starts to deteriorate, I get very unhappy. When I'm single, I might occasionally yearn for companionship, but my happiness levels are off the charts.
Social narratives tell united states of america that marriage is merely the thing you lot do when you get responsible and want to "settle down." We're instilled with the fear of being solitary and dying alone, merely marriage is certainly not a guarantee against this. For those of us who are fiercely independent and have our own established lives, at that place'south no reason that union should be considered the merely or best selection. For some people information technology may be, only for the rest of the states, we'll take our lonely fourth dimension and alive happily ever later on.
Julie Clow, author of The Work Revolution: Freedom and Excellence for All, is an advocate for unconventional thinking about piece of work and life.
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Source: https://time.com/4202588/marriage-checklist/
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